we are suffering through a war, an economic recession, and an immigration problem; yet, you are riding a motorcycle.

i waited in line at a sandwich shop. this motorcyclist entered, wearing his black leather jacket, scuffed jeans, black boots and a helmet over his head. standing in line behind me, he never took off his helmet. i sat at a table waiting for the sandwich, when i noticed that the motorcyclist still had the helmet on his head. who the fuck did he think he was? just like Batman couldn't remove his cowl and show his identity, the motorcycle man was just as important. he spoke to the sandwich maker through his helmet; she barely understood what the fuck he was saying; he sat down at the next table and waited for his sandwich, still wearing the helmet. the problem is growing in abundance: each day i am seeing more motorcycles on the roads; they want to be treated the same as all other motorists; these people offer no redeeming qualities to society.

i live in Los Angeles: a city known for its heavy traffic, terrible drivers, confusing roads and intersections, and construction crews that block whole lanes during rush hour. i could sit still at a particular light for more than five minutes, with my life bleeding away; and to hear the buzzing come from behind, and to see the bike approaching through my side view mirror is both heart-shattering, and oppressing. the motorcyclist weaves through cars and travels down the white lines, passing the rest of us and waiting at the front of the line for the light to turn green. we all fantasize about opening our car doors and watching them catapult into the sky like a pole vault gone wrong: but, of course, that would be against the law. however, i believe that the rest of us should not be liable for the motorcycle man's stupidity; therefore, we should be allowed to open the door if he chooses to cut through: he is putting his life at risk already, just riding the fucking thing.

perhaps law enforcement should find ways to protect the motorcyclists, and, in turn, better accommodate all the other motorists. for example, i thought of a sensory system on the roads. the sensor detects any approaching motorcycle and triggers a trap door in the road to open, thus sending the motorcycle to an underground road that leads to an isolated rest stop: it sounds like something from a Mad Max movie, but our future is transforming into that kind of world at a speed invisible to the human eye anyway.

even when they cut through traffic and blow their exhaust at us, the motorcyclists still think they deserve the same rights as those of us who drive cars: they'll park in our spaces. it is a sick joke to find an empty space ahead, only to come closer and see one of those Suzuki bikes parked there. why couldn't they just park on the sidewalk or by the building? let's face it: your motorcycle is inferior to my car, both in size and in importance. our cars need more care and maintenance than your little cock-rocket: so get the fuck out of our way.

the motorcycle culture is something of little to no significance in our world; they offer nothing but noise pollution and attitude; and do nothing to improve society. "yeah, you're just jealous because you can't afford this motorcycle." the majority of motorcyclists are blue-collar, and if i choose to save my pennies for a bike, then i would be very capable; but i choose to save my money on other things. if you're riding one to get the women, then you can keep those simpletons: i stay away from those types anyway. and how are motorcycles still in vogue? "Leader of the Pack" was a hit single around 1956, and the John Cougar Mellencamp "Hurt So Good" video had style in 1985--that was over 20 years ago; we've evolved a lot since then.

these people care about nothing more than how bad they are for wearing rugged clothes and revving their engines in the Taco Bell parking lot; they neither attain nor support a real cause; and they interrupt a good wet dream when they roar down my neighborhood street at three in the morning.

surely, the motorcycle is in need of an evolution. i suggest jet packs like in The Rocketeer; they're dangerous and thrilling; and most of all, they propel you into the sky so that you can get somewhere quicker and you won't have to bother any of us below.